I want the deepest, darkest, sickest parts of you that you are afraid to share with anyone because I love you that much. And now I'm showing you mine. I'm but an average, untalented girl living in suburbia attempting self-discovery. I am ordinary. I live an easy life and yet I'm still unhappy; I'm hoping keeping track of my thoughts will make this easier to understand. I care little for other people's emotions. I lie to others to make my own life easier, but not ever to ease their suffering. I will not lie to you. My thoughts are my own, not easy words fed to me by my parents or my government. I am part of no church, and I believe in no god. The only thing I need to be saved from is my own mental unrest. I ate his heart then I swallowed his brain. If you don't love me back, I'll do it again.
Posted on 16th January 2012
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Between the ages of 13 and 17 I had a similar mindset to yours. I know that in all likelihood this snippet of text will not change your mind and your outlook, that is how stubborn adolescent minds work. But life does get better. Your body will figure out the complex hormonal balance that keeps your emotions in check. You'll meet people you like that like you. Life is exciting, but it comes in waves and if one adopts the correct mindset, the time between sets is valuable reprieve. It gets better.

I’m sure you sent this with good intentions, but the fact that you’re taking what I write about and explaining it away as teenage angst and hormones is downright insulting. I’m not stupid enough to think that doesn’t factor into it, but I’m also very aware of the fact that thirteen of my mother’s brothers and sisters, including her, as well as all three of my fathers siblings have dealt with depression all their lives. Whether people want to believe it or not, the genetic disposition is there, and it’s likely that I’ll deal with this my entire life. It’s not going to just go away, even with all my trying. Depression has nothing to do with friends and exciting things. You can have everything in the world and still hate the fact that you woke up this morning. I’m glad you grew out of it, but please don’t assume that my problems are so petty as the equivalent of PMS.

  1. diaryofacuntfacedbitch posted this